Dear My Closest Friend
by Moxxy
Summary: Justin hasn't been himself lately. Is there a secret behind his depression? And what will happen when Alex finds out about her brother's self-harm? JALEX ONESHOT! Rated T for self-harm.


**A/N: Hello! I originally posted this about a month ago. Something prompted me to delete it. However, I know now that that was a mistake. I worked hard on this story and there was no reason for me to take it down.**

**Anyhow, I hope you enjoy reading this **

**Warning: Self-harm is a major element in this story. And, Alex and Justin are indeed siblings in this. But there's no **_**actual **_**incest…  
**

**Read and enjoy! :')**

Justin sat in his room in the midst of the silent house that night. It was 3AM; the start of just another Saturday. Everyone else was sleeping, and probably would continue sleeping until noon the next day.

Yet, here he sat up alone, thinking about _her_. Her laugh, her voice, dark chocolate colored eyes and matching her; her figure, her style, her sweet personality buried beneath all of that sarcasm. And, her hugs. The occasional embrace he'd earn from her after helping her with one of her crazy schemes or adventures.

The dark haired boy sat up in his bed, staring longingly at the picture he kept of him and her on his bedside table. Justin's heart ached as he thought of how forbidden their love would be. Kind of like Romeo and Juliet.

At least Romeo and Juliet weren't siblings, he thought bitterly. He heaved a great sigh of frustration. Every time he saw her, his heart shattered once again and again; over and over. Knowing he could never be more than just a brother to her was just too much for him to take.

That's why he'd been locking himself up in his room lately. That's why he refused to walk with her and Harper to school each day like they used to.

She was the main cause of his emotions lately. She was why he felt so alone and lost in the world. She was the reason he was disgusted with himself for feeling this way. And she was the reason why he consistently wore long sleeved shirts to devoid attention from his wrists...

Justin devastatedly opened the drawer to his bedside table and retrieved the small knife from it. He then rolled up his sleeve and placed the blade against his skin. Tears freely escaped his dark, lifeless orbs as he slid the sharp metal against his wrist.

It was wrong to feel this way for his sister. And it broke his heart. So in a way this was his self-discipline, yet also his comfort. He hated that he did this to himself time and time again; irrational actions such as this was something his old self would never think of doing. But that was before he knew pain; how it felt to love someone with all your heart that you could never have. After torturing himself for a few more minutes, he wiped the blade clean and placed in back in his drawer. He then lay back down in his bed and turned off the dim lamp that once lit his room.

The next day, Justin awoke in his bed. His eyes fluttered open and then he squinted them at the sunlight flooding his room. He heard a knock on the door and tiredly answered, "Yeah?"

The door opened, revealing the knocker- his mother.

"Wake up sleepy head!" Theresa greeted. "It's two in the afternoon!"

Justin nodded his head drowsily, still squinting his eyes to avoid the bright sunlight flooding through his window.

A look of concern adorned his mother's face. "Everything alright, mijo? You're usually the first one up"

Justin sat up in his bed, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, mom. I'm fine" he assured her.

Theresa stepped into his room and approached his bed before seating herself beside him. "You sure? You haven't seemed like yourself lately"

Justin didn't know how to reply so he stayed silent.

She continued with worry. "You've been kind of quiet and to yourself..."

"I'm fine, mom" Justin assured her once again. "I guess I'm just kind of nervous about preparing for college and everything" he fibbed.

Theresa wore a small smile before taking his head in her hands and giving him a big old mom-kiss on the forehead.

"I love you, baby boy. You're going to do great things someday" And with that she flashed him an 'I'm proud of you smile' before exiting his room.

Justin sighed as she shut the door behind her. He hated when his mom said things like that to him. He knew she'd think the total opposite of him if she knew whom he was in love with; one of the two other children she'd birthed.

Justin groaned at the thought. He tried shaking the thoughts away as he arose from his bed and grabbed a fresh set of clothes. He then trudged off to the bathroom and finished his daily routine.

The dark haired boy scurried downstairs to the living room/dining area of the Russo household. Justin then came face to face with just the person he'd been trying to avoid: Alex.

She sat on the sofa looking bored. However, to Justin she looked amazing. Alex heard his footsteps while he came down the stairs. She turned to face him. "Hey, sleepyhead. It's about time you woke up. I was going to give you another hour before pronouncing you dead" she chuckled.

Justin smiled softly, but nothing more. He hadn't been able to bring himself to laugh for about a month now.

"So" Alex continued. "I was thinking, maybe we should go see a movie or something"

Justin's heart beat sped up. He knew she wasn't suggesting a date. But hey, can't a guy hope?

"Oh" he replied coolly. "What's the occasion?"

"No occasion. Just thought you might want to get out; have a little fun"

Alex wasn't blind. She knew her brother had been in quite a slump lately. And usually she'd get him out of it by planning some crazy scheme or magic adventure to snap him out of it, but nothing like that seemed to work lately. He was seriously depressed and she hated to see him like this. Justin wasn't supposed to be depressed. He was her bright and driven big brother. And she'd do anything to bring him back to being that guy.

Justin leaned on the couch she was seated on and contemplated whether he should go or not. He looked down at his sister smiling up brightly at him. And then he got those butterflies that would soon turn into that sickly feeling that always ate away at him for days... It was guilt. He felt disgusting amf immoral for feeling this way. How could he ever look at his younger sister this way?

"You, know...Alex, I think I'll pass on that offer. I'm kind of busy today"

Alex's face fell. "Oh... With what?"

"Uh, homework" he lied.

"Yeah, right" she muttered.

"What do you mean?"

Alex sighed. "All you do is sit up your room all day. I'm pretty sure your senior year that you're only taking 3 classes in, doesn't required hours of homework"

Justin rolled his eyes as she continued. "Come on, Justin! You've been rotting away in this house for way too long. Let's just go have fun!"

He looked down at her big puppy dog eyes and slight hopeful smile. He couldn't take it. "Maybe some other time, Alex"

A few weeks ago, he'd have jumped at the opportunity to spend time with her. But these days, he figured it would be best if he just stayed away from her. Maybe then these damned feelings would go away.

As Justin began walking back toward the staircase, Alex jumped up from her spot on the couch and sprinted toward him.

"Justin, come on! Please!" Alex begged, as she grabbed pleadingly at his arm.

Justin cringed and gasped at the contact of her hand on his self-wounded skin.

Alex immediately released her grip. "Ah, sorry-" She looked and saw the pained look on his face. "I didn't think I grabbed that tight..."

Justin retorted quickly. "It's fine. I just overreacted"

Alex raised an eyebrow in confusion as she noticed him pull nervously at the sleeve of his hoodie to cover his arm. Her first instinct was to worry; she'd seen a similar scene such as this before. "Justin, what are you hiding?"

"Nothing" he said a bit too quickly.

Alex took notice of the shakiness in his voice and how he continued nervously tugging on his sleeves.

"Let me see your arms" she demanded.

Justin just looked at her in shock; too afraid to say or do anything. She took this opportunity to gently grab his arm and slowly raise the sleeve, revealing his bear arms. And, there she came face to face with multiple perfectly straight-lined marks. Some of the wounds were long ago healed, and some looked as fresh as if they were done that day.

The young girl's eyes widened. She slowly inhaled a shaky breath as her eyes began to tear. "Justin..." She managed.

He slowly took back his arm, carefully pulling the sleeve back down. As he did this, she sought to meet his eyes. But, he refused; he just stared down at his feet.

"Justin, why...?" She breathed.

"Because-" he began quickly but then backed down. He let out a sigh, seeing how sad and taken aback she looked. He willed himself to continue.

"Because, it's not normal..."

Alex wore a confused expression. "What's not normal?"

Justin hesitated before speaking in an almost inaudible voice. "My feelings..."

Alex slowly walked toward her brother placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. She sought to meet his eyes once again as he stared at the floor.  
"What do you mean?" She asked softly.

Justin finally met her gaze as he felt his heart shatter into millions of uneven pieces. He couldn't take those soft, pleasant eyes staring at him so kindly. And the sensation her hand left him with, just being placed on his shoulder.

"Alex, don't you get it?" He asked bitterly.

She dropped her hand from her brother's shoulder and took a nervous step backward. "No, what do you mean?"

Justin couldn't believe he was about to let these words escape his lips. "I'm always doing things for you. I'm always coming to _you_ for advice."

"Because that's what siblings do!" She said obliviously.

Justin ignored her as he continued. "Whenever you're all dressed up, I can't stop looking at you. Every chance I get, I'm near you. Every morning I wake up, anxious just to see your face, even though it _kills_ me, Alex. Whenever there's some new guy you like, or who likes you, I'm always wishing I could take their place. All I think about is you and how much I wish I could be yours; more than just your brother"

Alex was stunned, her eyes wide, and her heart thumping uncontrollably. This couldn't be happening; not now...

Justin continued on with his rant. "These feelings, they're not normal; I _know_ they're not" He cringed as he heard his own voice break, tears meeting his eyes. "And, there's no way for me to get rid of them... So this is how I deal" he gestured toward his arm shamefully.

Alex felt her heart break at those words. "You do this..." she gestured toward his arm, "because of _me_?"

Justin sighed and began in a softer tone than before. "No...no, it's because of me and my feelings. There's something wrong with me, Alex... And I don't know how to fix it"

Alex didn't know how to reply. She did agree that these feelings he had were not normal to have toward a sibling. But there couldn't possibly be something wrong with him, could there? He was still her same old ultra smart, amazing big brother. He was perfectly normal, and she loved him- as a brother, that is. Though he could get on her nerves at times, she looked up to him. She _admired_ him, even.

"Justin-" she began.

He cut her off. "Just...please don't tell anyone about _this_" he begged, gesturing toward his arm once again. "And, just forget what I said, okay?... All of it. I don't want my dumb feelings coming between us"

And with that, Justin trudged up the stairs to his room, leaving Alex to stand there in the living room; speechless.

That night Alex, Max and their father sat at the dinner table, waiting for Justin and their mother to come downstairs before they began eating. Alex sighed nervously anticipating her eldest brother's arrival.

Suddenly, her mother's footsteps were heard as Theresa descended the stair case. Her usual constant smile was now replaced with a frown.

"Where's Justin?" Alex questioned her mother who took a seat next to her.

Theresa sighed. "I'm afraid he won't be joining us for dinner tonight"

"Why not? He has to eat" Alex exclaimed, concern written all over her features.

Her mother's frown broke into a small smile at how much Alex cared for her older brother. "I just think he's going through some kind of phase, sweetie. He probably has a lot on his mind"

_If only she knew_, Alex thought.

"But if it makes you feel any better, why don't you bring him up some leftovers after dinner" her mother suggested.  
Alex faked a small smile. In a way she was kind of relieved about the arrangement. She hadn't seen Justin since earlier that afternoon when he confessed his..._feelings_ for her. Alex was unsure of how to feel about this all. She hadn't fully taken this all in. She knew there had been something off with her brother lately. He was always so depressed looking. He cooped himself up in his room all day long. And, when he did show his face to the world, he was never studying like he usually did.

Alex gobbled up her dinner as quickly as she could. She then rose from the table and scooped some chicken and rice from the main bowl at the center of the table onto a big plate for Justin. She then excused herself and walked as quickly as she could up the staircase without tipping the dish of still warm food.

Once she reached Justin's door, Alex grew nervous. She had no idea what to expect. Would he be quiet out of embarrassment of what he'd told her earlier? Would he just be depressed and not even accept the food? Would he be shocked that she still cared enough to bring him food and that she wasn't completely disgusted and hated him?

Alex shakily knocked on Justin's door. There was no answer. "Justin?" She called to him through the wooden space between them.

Still no answer. She decided to just take a chance and barge in. Alex opened the door to see Justin leaning against the headboard to his bed, with headphones placed in his ears.

At the sight of her, his eyes grew wide with nervousness. He slowly removed the headphones from his ears. "Yeah?"

"O-oh, um I knocked a couple of times and you didn't answer" she explained in a shaky voice.

"Oh. Sorry, I was listening to music. I didn't hear you knock..."

Alex nodded her head and gave him a small smile. Should she be smiling at him after what he'd told her today? What if this gave him the wrong impression...?

She quickly ridded of her smile as she walked toward him. "Here, I just thought you might be hungry. You didn't come to dinner..."

Justin nodded, frowning slightly. He accepted the plate of food from her, placed it on his lap, and stared at it, afraid to look back up at her. He was so ashamed of letting his feelings all out in the open like that earlier.

"Alex..." He trailed off.

Alex stared down at her brother sitting in his bed, anticipation his following words that never came. Justin just looked back up, locking eyes with her. His eyes held nothing but sincerity.

Alex broke her gaze with his to look down at his scarred and wounded arms that were completely visible now that he wore a tee shirt. She could not stop staring at the marks he'd made on his skin...because of her.

Justin noticed what her eyes were examining. He frowned shamefully. "Alex..." He said once again. She brought her watery eyes back up to meet his.

"I'm so sorry... For all of this"

Alex blinked back her tears, refusing to let them fall. She nodded her head vigorously, not knowing how to respond to his apology. "I'll see you in the morning?"

Justin gave her a slow nod. "Goodnight" he bade hopefully.

"Goodnight" she replied quickly while backing out of his room and shutting the door behind her.

Alex retreated quickly to her room. Not bothering to turn on the light, she went straight to her bed and got herself wrapped up in a few layers of blankets. The girl shut her eyes as tight as she possibly could, willing herself to sleep. However, a moment later her eyes flickered open once again, staring at nothing in particular through the thick darkness of her room. Her mind began to wander aimlessly. She didn't know exactly what to think about all of this.

Her brother was..._in love_ with her. Was that even possible? Could you really fall in love with a sibling?

Alex envisioned the scars that remained on her brother's wrists.

Justin would never do something so irrational without some kind of reasoning. And apparently he was cutting due to his feelings for her. Alex hated that he was hurting himself... Because of _her_, especially. She felt almost guilty. What if she had done something un-sisterly that had led him on or something?

As she thought of what that action could have possibly been, she drew a blank. She and Justin were always close... They fought more than anything; however, Alex could honestly say she felt closer to Justin than to anyone else in the world. They were so different, yet so similar.

She continued racking her brain for additional information on this whole scenario.

These feelings he had for her...were they mutual? Had she ever felt similarly for him? Well there was always that admiration she had toward him...

She thought back to about a year ago. Justin had taken her and Max to a movie. While they paid for their tickets, the cashier who looked about their age tried hitting on Alex. At first she was flattered and just gave a small giggle as she blushed. But Justin wasn't happy about it at all. Then the guy began getting bit inappropriate with his pickup lines. Justin could see that it was causing his sister to feel uncomfortable. Before she knew it, Justin was telling the guy off.

That day, she realized just how much her brother cared for her and how grateful she was to have him. Alex never looked at Justin the same since that day. Instead of picking a fight with him every day, she'd go out of her way to hang out with and talk to him. She always took her knew emotions toward him as 'admiration'. But could this feeling have been more? And why hadn't she thought of him as disgusting or sick when he told her of his feelings earlier? Sure she was stunned and a bit confused. But she still saw him in the same light as before.

Suddenly, these realizations flooded the girl's heart with guilt. Alex tore the blankets away from her blankets, got off of her bed and slipped into her slippers before exiting her room. She quickly and quietly tiptoed over to the next three doors down the hall away from her room. Instead of knocking and causing a ruckus, Alex turned the doorknob to his room and slowly creaked open the door. She quietly shut it behind her. The girl then proceeded to flick on the light switch and saw her brother sleeping peacefully. She smiled softly at the scene. She decided they could talk in the morning. But for now, they could both use a little sleep after the long stressful day they'd had.

Alex flicked the light switch back off and made her way toward his bed. She crawled in next to him, covering himself with the blanket that also covered him. She felt the warmth of his body reach her and suddenly she felt safe, laying there next to him. Instead of having her back facing him she lay with her face looking straight at his. She studied Justin's usually peaceful, solemn face. But now, it was dull and even in his sleep he looked broken.

Justin lay on his side, leaning his head on one hand that rested on his pillow. Alex maneuvered his arm from under his head into the caress of her hand. The moonlight that shone through the window allowed her to see his scars once again. She caressed a single mark that looked almost fully healed. She ran her thumb over it softly. "No more scars, Justin" she whispered through silent tears. "You have me now... You have all of me"

Alex then leaned in to kiss his forehead chastely before learning her head against his chest and taking in every essence of his being. He was beautiful; the most amazing person alive.

And he was all her hers.  
**  
THE END! :')**

I would REALLY appreciate reviews! I worked extremely hard on this and would like to know what you guys thought! Thank you :)


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